So…. if you’ve read my last post you can see my struggle. I’ve been praying, complaining and asking God for guidance. I have been so ‘busy’ trying to survive the day I have not been living. And what makes matters worse is that I’ve been trying to squeeze God in.
I know I need to take control. When I pray I hear God clearly telling me I need to spend more time with Him and to not focus on my marriage. That He will take care of it. Giving me no hints as to if I should go, if he’s going to go, if we are going to separate, nothing, just.. leave my marriage to Him. Best place for it to be to be honest, and I know God will make things work together for my good, but like… what do I do in the mean time..? As I wait for me to be vindicated, as I wait for justice, as I wait for my life to feel like I’m living… God what do you want me to do as I wait? Hello?…
Clearly the line got disconnected. I was hearing Him clearly then He just … lol stopped answering? I guess He picked up the other line? Probably my friend ‘separated’ calling and interrupting my time with God. (Smh)
Maybe He’s told me what to do far too many times that He’s annoyed why I’m still in the same position. One thing I have heard clearly from Him is that everybody has struggles. Some things are easier for some than others. Some people have to work twice as hard to achieve what may come easily for others. He told me to do what I need to do to get what I want. Figure it out. Figure out how to find time in no time. Time is there regardless, we have to choose what we do with it. He told me I may be more tired, I may have to work harder but I am His child and He is with me.
If I want to succumb to fatigue then that’s my problem. But if I want a solution and want a way out of this trapped feeling I need to figure out how to incorporate my dreams and goals into what already seems like an impossible schedule.
I guess He already answered my prayers. It’s so hard though.. to watch someone else live it up while you pick up the slack. Then to be talked down to as if your not the foundation they stand on to obtain what they want. God will handle my light weight.
In the meantime I have to get a handle on being the best version of me no matter what it takes. I will be great.
-Married.. or whatever you call it