After being with an individual for such a long time; 10 years is a whole lot of years devoted to one human being. It’s somewhat hard trying to adjust to being you again. Do you know what I mean?
It’s like you know who you are, but then it was revolved around one person, that even sometimes being by yourself you really don’t know what you enjoy anymore. I’ve been separated for the past three months, and I mean it’s been awesome! Yeah, I said that…😊 It’s like I’m so free, my mind is at peace, I’m genuinely Happy. Not the type of happy I was, when I had to behave as though everything was alright. The happy where, I now sleep better, eat better, worship God better; I mean; I’m paying more attention to ‘ME’ instead of busy trying to make a marriage work, striving to please a husband that can never be pleased, as I am the only problem. Note: It doesn’t matter what you do, say, or change to please a man, or how hard you try to make your marriage work at all cost. You CANNOT fix or change someone who sees no problem with themselves, and shuts down every and anything that comes their way to assist them….. (wow…Lil venting there). I’m happy because of the peace I have found in my savior. Happiness to the point I go to church, and don’t have to worry about the type of atmosphere I will return to.
I am free and Happy because my child has not been ill for the duration I’ve been separated. Happy because my spiritual life is growing. I’m getting a better understanding of who I am in God and who he created and designed me to be. That my GOD-GIVEN purpose will come to pass, once I remain at his feet and have His perfect will be done in my life.
You may not understand, the sleepless nights, crying myself to sleep, that when I wake up in the mornings my eyes are swollen. The fear of not wanting to go home because the environment is so cold and tense. When being Home alone is better than when he’s there.
My body was at a place where my mind was far from. My child was my source of motivation and drive. The Lord was my peace, reading my bible, constantly in prayer, even when made a mockery of, God was my peace and hence, my reason for happiness. I had….still have to trust God, because even when it seemed as though ‘all hell was breaking loose in my home’ My Church, THE WORD, and my faith in God kept me.
As it is now, Me (finding back who I am), Myself (walking and living in that new identity), My son (my gift, my earthly assignment, my heart outside my body)
“Isaiah 26:3- You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you”