Self-Inspired or God-Desired?…How did I get here…’Happy, Married, Unhappy, Separated’? (Part 2)

I know it’s been awhile coming before part 2 was written.

Our relationship and trust issues were mending. We were getting better I must say. The only thing now, I finished my studies in 2011, and like many other university students, it was time to job hunt. Please note, we had set a date for April 2012 for the wedding. 

Now looking back, I am second guessing myself in terms of; is that the time my relationship should have ended? (The time of infidelity) Who knows? But I do believe, that season was definitely ‘self-inspired’. 

Anyways, in the process of job hunting, I don’t know if it was cold feet, anxiety, or whatever, but the reality was, there is a date set and we were working towards it. Here I am, finished my degree, planning a wedding, and I’m unemployed. So I decided, to be in the safe zone, let me make a ‘deal’ with God, can you imagine? Me making a ‘deal’ with God. Pssshhh. Who do I think I am? Okay, so the deal was… ‘God if I get a job, then I know it’s your will for me to go through with the wedding’. Personally I wanted a job to contribute to my own wedding, a sense of independence, if it was to at least purchase his wedding band. 

In the back of my mind, if I don’t get a job, then I guess there will be no wedding, at least, not the date planned. 

Well because the favor I know that’s on my life, I was successful in landing a job at the most opportuned time. I was ecstatic, like YES! God I see you!… So I started my job, the downside was, I wasn’t getting my accurate salary, as my graduation would have been later down in the year. So, because I completed my course, but have not received my qualifications, I was being paid a basic salary.

You know who went back to God with the ‘deal’ notion. 

Of course I had to go back, how will I buy the ring for him? This was me for the second time,’God if I could get my correct salary by the time designated for my wedding, then I know it would have been your will’. Once again, POW! He favored me! I started getting my accurate salary and got all my ‘back money’ in the early months of 2012. Isn’t God good? 

To get to the point; I did buy his ring and did many other things I didn’t even plan for. We got married in 2012. A beautiful wedding it was indeed. The day was great and all a Bride could ask for, apart from the little glitches all wedding preparations comes with.

How did I get here (separated) five years later? 

As I mentioned in part 1, God is intentional. He has our blueprint. He is either going to fix it or break it. Regardless, He’s still God. I learned a lot during that time, and find that I’m still learning in the season I’m in.

Sometimes we conveniently remember God when we need to make great decisions, however with the little decisions prior, was He consulted then? Now looking back, I realised I wasn’t so much depending on God to get married, but on material things to determine IF I should. The job and the income. Nonetheless, I conveniently put God in the equation because of who I know him to be; the problem solver, the supreme being. But….did I trust him, even though I asked?….If you’ve read previous blogs, you would have noticed, my faith in God cannot be compared to the faith I have now. 

“My earthly marriage is a warfare..but I know my heavenly marriage is growing and that’s what i seek after….a better relationship and deeper revelation of you. MAKE A WAY!” ~ WifesTales

‘Separated’

 “Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight”

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