Self-Inspired or God-Desired?…How did I get here…’Happy, Married, Unhappy, Separated’? (Part 1)

Marriage is a beautiful thing. Of course it is, it was designed by God. It’s one of the greatest institutions to be apart of when entered in for the right reasons. ‘LOVE’ nothing else. 

Being proposed to, was the most exciting, happy, joyful, fulfilling moments of my life. Yes, ‘THE PROPOSAL’. I mean which girl hopes to be dating a guy for a period of time and he doesn’t ask the question? If you’re keeping up with the blogs, my husband proposed to me in 2009, two years into courting. I got married in 2012; yes, awhile after, for more reasons than one, well; just two;

  1. I was still in University, I aspired to finish my degree before getting married.
  2. Infidelity issues that came a year after the engagement.

This was the first rough patch in our relationship, and the most fearful thing happened; ‘cheating’ happened. This gave our relationship a hard blow, I mean, this was all transparent when we were reunited, that something was very much off. It felt different; could it be because we were apart for so long? or could it be the guilt of the ‘cheater’. Whatever it was, everything was revealed on a ‘cell phone’. Let me say right here, it’s inappropriate, to search your partners phone. Yea…However, that day was so innocent, just answering a call, and after the call ended, the ‘messenger’ screen was already opened. What would you do? Male or Female, opportunity time; didn’t have to sneak or go out of your way, it just ‘Popped up’… EVIDENCE was clear. 

This took a toll on the relationship. To the point it was on ‘break-up status’. Here I am engaged to be married, and there trust issues. WOW! Everything changed. Yes, in my estimation it never got back to what was. Was there forgiveness? Yes…at least I think so, there must have been forgiveness as there is a marriage. What is forgiveness? According to a definition that I found on Google, it states “to stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong), to stop blaming (someone)”. 

Okay, so I’m going to be as transparent as possible. I know I forgave him in my heart, I do, but it damaged a part of me that had me feeling so different around him. We were good, after awhile, we were happy, a lot more growth took place between then and our wedding day. How I felt, the degree to what had happened, I believe I was in my right to leave. What made me stay?… Here I am, A Pastors’ daughter, cohabiting with a man I’m not married to, EVERYONE knows him, family, friends, EVERYONE!! The proposal was, let’s just say PUBLIC, why leave? “Just work at it, at least we have sometime to fix and work on some things”. To myself, I’m still thinking, “I’ll be graduating a year later, a lot can happen within a year”.

Better days came, but let me say, I honestly believe that there could have been greater days. The ‘situation’ wasn’t handled well. It was more of, “ok that was an overseas situation, it doesn’t affect ‘home’ we don’t need no counselling sessions…yeah…right!”. We can do this on our own; that’s what he lead me to think, “no one can tell me about my relationship or about you, I know you best” what he would usually say, whenever counselling was brought up… ‘RED FLAG’. It simply then means, we should not have any external input (wisdom, experienced individuals, spiritual leaders) in our relationship, surprisingly we had few sessions before marriage; maybe cause it’s customary. It was agreed to….I don’t know, I’m just saying.  

There are certain things you should look out for with your partner. Simple things, big things, don’t ignore them. I’ve always seen this comment around social media ‘when a person shows you who they are, believe them’ I can honestly say, that’s a powerful statement right there. Sometimes we have a mental picture, what our relationships; marriages, should be, that we miss the reality of what’s really happening. I was blamed, for staying, for the few persons who knew, on top of ‘the behaviors I blinded myself to’ mentioned in previous blogs. This is a perfect, and even greater reason to leave; that’s what ‘they’ were saying. Remember what they perceived or knew was different from what I saw in him. I love him, He makes me happy… Blah Blah Blah! The excuses… 

All I’m saying we sometimes find ourselves in some situations, that could have been prevented, if we were under the direction of God’s guidance. Although, I also do believe that, God’s intentional, he knows all things; he knows what’s going to happen with our lives before they even manifest. I believe also, that EVERYTHING we go through, good or bad, it was/is necessary. 

~ learning takes place best through our good or bad experiences. ~ WifesTales

Separated’

 James 1:5 -“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault”(NIV)


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