The Invisible U in Marriage

I know it’s hard to see but it’s definitely there, you’re just not looking hard enough. The U is also pronounced silently. So often it’s overlooked and left out, but such a noticeable difference it makes when U is not there.

The U is what brought you together. Your individuality, the way you take care of yourself and the things you aspired to accomplish. It’s the mission you were on to achieve the greatest version of yourself that suddenly becomes hidden as marriage pushes ‘U’ out. Somehow all the other letters are put before you and there’s not enough room for you.  U, basically becomes invisbile, but it definitely still exists.

I am protesting that the U comes back to the forefront. It’s not fair that all the other letters can be so easily seen, and the U left behind. The U adds character, value, and a uniqueness that can only be created by U.

How important it is that we don’t forget the U. The U that makes you self confident, adventurous, and determined to accomplish anything you set your mind to. This U that when lost, changes everything.

You move differently, think differently, and at the same time feel trapped in a body that was created to do great things but nothing great seems to be manifesting.

The moment you forget that marriage has a U is the moment your identity is questioned. It’s the moment things get out of order and seem to spiral out of control.

Yes, marriage joins us together. The Bible tells us that we shall become one flesh.  However, one flesh, two people? The math is off.

Why? Maybe instead of merging to become one, we are to combine to make a greater one. What’s the difference? When there’s a merge one party is usually overruled. See when you merge, someone is surpressed. Someone is getting the shorter end of the stick. But when you combine, you’re both getting to add your flare to the marriage. One flesh becomes so much more powerful because it’s a combination of the greatness of two.

Sounds like perfection. Fairy tale even. But, is it that hard to achieve? …You were doing it before you got married…

I am in the process of making U visible again. My vision has been blurred to the point where I know the U is there but I can’t see it. The frustration of not being the person I know I was meant to be while with my husband is a strain on our marriage. We argue, we get disappointed, our expectations are not met and it’s unhealthy. Should things be better if there’s two? I mean when we added up our strengths and weaknesses before marriage we should be: rich, healthy, fit, successful… so it just made sense to be on the other side of the relationship equation and get married.

Yet, here we are. Struggling to allow the concept of one flesh to make us better. Not fully utilizing our U and blaming the other one for it.

Never lose sight of U. Pursue U. Without apologies, but with humility and perseverance, and in the direction of who and what you feel you were created to be.

God, help me to be the ‘U’, You created me to be, in the marriage You positioned me in.

and… and if there’s time me to understand how 1+1 still equals 1 .. You know I’m slow.


For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh”  Genesis 2:24



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